Life is a learning curve, we learn as we go, marriage works that way too. No matter how painful the lessons, we appreciate the wisdom that follows them. Successes and failures from year one, mistakes are made and here are the list of some mistakes newlyweds make the first year.
Succumbing to baby pressure.
“When are the babies coming?”…“You don’t want to be too old to keep up with your kids do you?”…”There’s no such thing as the ‘right time’!”…We’ve heard them all, hundreds of times.
I do believe that if you and your spouse decide to become parents because you feel like it’s what all the other adults around you are doing or because your friends and family want you to, you’re making the mistake of putting others’ needs and goals before your own, and that’s just no good.
Ignoring the money discussion.
Money is the root of a lot of evil – this we all know – and not discussing it properly with your new spouse can also mean the demise of the trust in your marriage, if you’re not careful. Before the “I do”s it’s easy to justify keeping your finances separate and private, especially if you’re both very private people. But, when you agree to pronounce “I do” and share a life and a home, like it or not, you’re agreeing to share finances too.
If you’re resistant to this idea, suddenly you’re using phrases like “my money” and “secret savings” and being very defensive and petty about the earnings you bring to the table. How you choose to divvy out your finances is a decision you must make together – I’m just suggesting you talk about it day one, not the day after.
Comparing themselves to other couples.
So you’re living different lives with other couple you know – who cares? If you let what other couples have turn your eyes green, you’ll be so distracted by trying to keep up with their marriage and you could lose track of your own. Enjoy your married friends; don’t envy them.
Too many goals on your head.
This trap is hard to miss. Many couples actually make a list of too many goals for their first year of marriage, most of them a bit more complicated than, say, “get organized”. The list should have at least the three – four tops – things a couple truly felt passionate about accomplishing together in their first year of marriage.
Spending more than saving.
If you spent way more than you save trying to keep up with what you think mature and accomplished married couples are doing is an epic fail, learn from it – the hard way. You have to save, save, save your money, from the start so that you can be able to cope with future life pressure married couple face.
Putting friendships first.
Remember that annoying saying you and your girlfriends would always say to each other doing a breakup? You know the one: “Guys will always come and go, but true friends are here to stay.”
Well, if you want your marriage to stay on the good track. when you get married, that one saying no longer applies, and I recommend replacing it with this edited version: “Husbands are here to stay, and true friends will understand.” After marriage, it’s easy to fear that your friends will accuse you of blowing them off or “changing” because you got hitched.
We’ve all seen it happen, and heard them complain about other girlfriends who have done the same thing. The problem is, keeping up with a single girlfriend who still expects to monopolize your Friday nights, like always, may not bid well with keeping things happy at home in your marriage.
Balance is everything here. You can enjoy your girlfriends and your marriage, but you can’t let one pushy friend cause a rift between you and your new husband because she can’t understand why you can’t “just go to the party” with her all the time.
What mistakes did you make in your first year of marriage? How did you learn from them? You can add to this list below in the comment box.